>Fellow Star Clipper manager Nick and I share an affinity for hip-hop as well as comics, so it wasn’t too odd when we started speculating about what would happen if the characters in the
Archie universe were rappers. It started when we were putting together our weekly special and decided to put a copy of Archie in the 90’s, which features on the cover a picture of Archie in a backwards baseball cap with the word “Arch” written in graffiti-esque letters, wearing a Riverdale football jersey, holding a microphone. Of course, while he’s busting a freestyle, he has a big ol’ smile on his face. That’s not to say that Archie and his crew wouldn’t be the hardest thugs in all of Riverdale.

Naturally, “Arch” is a master of rhymes (in Riverdale anyway.) So you could liken him to being the Chuck D of the group…. that is if Chuck D rapped about respecting the police, and 911 is nothing to joke about. Jug Head would be kinda out there like Del the Funkee Homosapien, Kool Keith, or MF Doom. He would primarily rap about hamburgers and space creatures. I think Veronica would probably be like Lil’ Kim, rapping about how rich and promiscuous she is. Betty, being a little less well to do than Veronica would be like the Lady Rage (Who rocked rough n’ stuff with her afro puffs) or old school queen Latifah, and primarily rap about being a strong woman who you don’t want to mess with. Then there’s Reggie, who would be all dapper don like Jay-Z, or Kanye West. Reggie wouldn’t have a whole lotta substance to his rhymes, but he’d bring a lot of style saying them. Then there’s poor Moose, who would be like Shaquille O’Neil trying to make it as a rap artist, and release an awful album like Shaq-Fu (Moose- Fu?) and go on to do even worse movies like Ka-Zam, or Steel, when he probably should have just stuck to being a jock.

Alas, this will only remain a hypothetical situation in Nick and I’s minds, much like the tangent we went on after theorizing about the Riverdale gang…What if the Batman family were battle rappers.

-Jim

---

Both comments and pings are currently closed.