[I GIVE IT A THREE OUT OF TEN]

If you are planning to read Fantastic Four 587: Black Bag but have not done so, the following is a *SPOILER* rich environment. I mean it — *SPOILERS* abound beyond the next paragraph. I guarantee if you have not read the issue yet, you will regret reading any further because there’s at least one huge *SPOILER* coming, namely, who dies in this issue. You have been amply warned about the upcoming *SPOILERS* concerning Fantastic Four 587, which features the DEATH OF A MEMBER OF THE FANTASTIC FOUR.

Last warning.* SPOILERS*.

[DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?]

Johnny Storm is “dead.” I wish I could say that I’m shocked and amazed, but I can’t Am I happy Ben Grimm doesn’t die? You bet your rocky orange butt I am. And am I pleased with Johnny Storm, the Human Torch, being the one who gets the ax? Yeah, he’s the one member I could care less about.

[WE ARE RICHER FOR HAVING LOST HIM]

And that’s the problem with this, the first big death of 2011. I should feel something, shouldn’t I? I should care a little bit that he’s gone.

Hickman has been juggling four separate storylines for the past couple issues. Reed’s on the other side of the universe, Sue’s underwater and Johnny and the un-Thinged Ben Grimm are in the Baxter Building. Hickman has to rotate the story to a new location every other page, keeping everybody’s plot in motion; this also helps to obscure who might be the one who dies, as all of them are in peril. But it also undercuts the drama, as everybody’s individual peril is given short shrift — Hickman doesn’t stick with any one scene for too long, so the story has a very hurried, scattershot feel. When Johnny makes his decision to stay behind and sacrifice himself to close the gate to the Negative Zone, it happens so quickly that I felt cheated. A few issues back Future Val and Future Franklin reminisced about their favorite superheroes, and Franklin’s love for his uncle is clear in the quick answer he gives his sister that the Human Torch has always been his favorite. And yet Franklin and Johnny say nothing to one another in their final moments, not even goodbye, or “see ya” or one last hug — not even a look back at each other. Both of them — heck, all the kids — react with. I stopped that sentence because they don’t react anyway at all. There’s nothing there — none of the kids seem to care that Uncle Johnny’s gonna get snuffed in the next 45 seconds. That feels false, and that is bad storytelling.

Hickman and Epting do give us a nice scene between Johnny and Ben in those final moments, and Johnny gets to flash his famous bravado one last time, but it sure doesn’t feel like this is the absolute last time. Val assures Johnny that “dad built a backdoor” and says “we’ll be back,” and then he’s buried under a horde of giant other-dimensional insects. But it’s not like we see his dismembered body or anything definitive that tells us — with utter certainty — that Johnny Storm is dead.

I know this is comics and nobody stays dead for long anymore, despite what Hickman has been saying about this storyline being for real. Hickman has rekindled my interest in this book and these characters during the past year, to the point that I ran into the shop today four minutes after opening to buy this issue. I wanted read this issue and feel relief, or anger or outrage or, most of all, a sense of magnificent heroism as one of the World’s Greatest Heroes proved that they were willing to lay down their life for everything right and good. I wanted to be amazed. I wasn’t.

There are elements of the issue that I like: Sue flexes muscles she hasn’t shown in many years, and that’s rad. Ben shows us once again his huge heart. Franklin displays an ominous powerlust when using his powers. These are all promising sign posts for future issues. But this issue was supposed to have been something more. I feel stupid for falling for the hype, and I feel disappointed by a writer who hasn’t done that to me before (ignoring his S.H.I.E.L.D. comic, because I’m not reading it).

And I’m most disappointed by the transparency of the fact that Johnny Storm is no more dead and gone than Steve Rogers was last year. This is just another temporary and ultimately meaningless death. It won’t be the last. And that, sadly, is the only certainty about death in the comics these days. Characters will die, but they’ll come back, and none of it means anything except for the marketing team who gets to run the hype machine on overdrive for a few months.

-Paul

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