As the movie commercials and cross-over events dominate the racks at the same time, it seems like a lot of one-shots and smaller limited series are also popping up. I’m not sure about you, but I like the one-offs and the small runs of non-continuity stuff — a lot of it just seems more fun than the constant “end of the world/this changes everything” style of storytelling that dominates the art form. And summer comics should be fun — autumn, winter and spring comics should be fun, too.
[COMIC BOOK COVERS USED TO BE SO VERY COOL]
In the spirit of no-fun, let it be known that I will not be seeing the Captain America movie. Just the sight of that idiotic helmet/body armor thing they’ve worked up for him to wear makes me nauseous with rage. However, if you give me a deluxe reprint collection of Silver Age Captain America comics by the pillars of my consciousness, Stan Lee and Jack Kirby, well, I’ma buy that. Captain America: Rebirth is a one-shot reprinting five Cap stories from 1965, and it includes Cap’s origin, Bucky’s origin, Red Skull’s origin and a crazy story about a ray that makes things disappear. This is meant as enticement/primer for people who don’t read comics but are interested in the movie. It’s interesting that 46 years later, the best promotion for an overblown movie remains the original comics, isn’t it? Kinda speaks to the timelessness of what Kirby & Lee created as opposed to the transient nature of film. Here’s a prediction: No one will care about the movie in 46 months let alone 46 years, but these comics will still be sought after. They’re action-packed, tension-fraught stories that are enhanced by the idiosyncrasies of the most bombastic of writers and the most dynamic of artists. Remember when Cap used to have to maintain his secret identity by pretending to be the most sad-sackest buck private in the U.S. Army? Good times, folks.
[SHH, MYSTERIOUS CONQUESTOR -- YOU DON’T WANT TO WAKE THEM]
FF 5, once again by Jonathan Hickman and guest penciler Barry Kitson, suffers a bit by comparison to the work of the great architects of the Marvel Universe. Hickman has a tendency to create excitement via deep characterization and slow-burning plots that reveal their implications through dialogue and dropped clues; Lee & Kirby relied a lot more on kicks to the face, desperate chances grasped with two hands and solid — and frequent — right crosses to move their stories along. Don’t let my $10 words deceive you; I’m a big fan of a tightly plotted book with sharply-rendered characters, but FF could really do with a lot more boots caving in faces. Here we get Sue, Spidey and Alex Power heading off to Old Atlantis to stop an alternate-timeline Reed and present-day Moleman from destroying the whole area. There’s a smidgen of action in which Alex Power finally reminds us that he does indeed have superpowers — where were you and your walls ‘n’ rifts generating powers when Johnny Storm was getting murderized, son? –and Spidey shoots some webs, but come ON. The cover implies a major fracas between the FF and a certain strong and silent hero whose name rhymes with “Schlack Scholt” — don’t get your hopes up, because no FF’er so much as farts in his general direction and vice versa. On the plus side, Ben Grimm has tea with Alicia Masters and engages in grown-up talk about their relationship, which was recently consummated; Ben’s guilty because his non-rockiness (but he was rock-hard at the time, eh? High five!) enabled him to be physical with Alicia but cost Johnny his life. If he could have had this conversation and then punched somebody across Manhattan, I would have loved this book. As it is, we’ve spent a lot of time with Ben moping about Johnny and doing very little of what he does best, which is “Aunt Petunia, idol of millions, Yancy Street CLOBBERIN’ TIME.” You’ll notice that his signature catch phrase is not “Trenchant Insight!”
[THAT’S HOW YOU FIGHT -- HIT ‘EM WITH A TRUCK]
Butcher Baker the Righteous Maker 4 has a lot — a lot — of fisticuffs in it, which is a nice change of pace from the previous three issues, which were mainly slightly warmed up Smokey and the Bandit leftovers. Butcher fights three super villains in a Times Square-stand in, and it’s quite beautiful. Mike Huddleston’s handing art and colors on this series, and he makes gorgeous backgrounds — look at the top of page six if you don’t believe me. I still get a Marshall Law vibe off this book, but I think this is the best issue of the bunch so far. I don’t think it’s as epoch-shattering as Joe Casey’s increasingly indulgent afterwards would have you believe, but it’s improving.
As far as I’m concerned, there’s very little that could be done to improve Mike Harvey’s See You Next Wednesday comics. This week’s installment brutalizes the industry practice of killing off characters to increase sales. Once again, Mike sets up his pins and knocks them all down as beloved hero Cap’n Mac — he’s a guy with a computer monitor on his head who’s devoted to saving only the hot ladies of the world — takes a shot to a very sensitive portion of his anatomy and heads for the big Blue Screen of Death in the sky. Relentlessly silly, and with no six month wait required to see if Cap’n Mac is really dead — c’mon, if you’ve been reading comics for longer than six months, you know he’s not dead. Awesome, funny, good-time comic books, right here every week — every week — for a dollar.
[XOMBI GETS IN YOUR HEAD IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY]
After four issues, I feel like I’m finally getting a handle on Xombi. It’s your standard science-fiction/horror comic that deals with issues of theology and super-science by means of unusual and distinct characters and copious amounts of wordplay. You know — the usual. John Rozum and Frazer Irving give us a whole lot of exposition and background in this issue, for which I thank them. Despite this issue being mostly one character explaining who/what/where/when and why about her life thus far, this is a compelling and entertaining book. It’s a tough book to explain to someone who’s never read it, but man is it worth reading. It feels like I’m still playing catch-up on this book, and that doesn’t even bother me. Every issue thus far as ended with me itching to see what happens next, and this one is no exception. If you’re not reading this series, I bet you could start with this one and be engrossed by the end of next issue –maybe. I may be biased because this issue retroactively made the three previous issues much more coherent and fascinating. That’s the word I’d use to describe Xombi to someone who hadn’t read it. This is a fascinating, non-conventional comic that just happens to be a DC book — that’s the weirdest thing about it.
[ANIMAL-NINJA-SPIDER-ALIEN-GHOST FIGHT!]
Amazing Spider-Man has been the best superhero book on the stands for at least the past year. I know, I’m still kinda surprised myself — Spidey’s not even my third-favorite Marvel character, and yet Dan Slott has made me care about Peter Parker and about what happens in Spidey’s neck of NYC. Issue 664 features Spider-Man helpless at the hands of Anti-Venom (no bones about it, one of the dumbest characters in Spider-Man lore) while A-V and the Wraith attempt to bring down the evil gang lord Mr. Negative independently of one another. One of the finest characteristics Slott has as a scripter is that he doesn’t let things dangle; this issue features the resolution to two ongoing plots. Namely, we find out who’s behind that Wraith mask, and we see Mr. Negative and his operation crippled by the good guys. So much has happened in Amazing in the past six months — the rise of Peter Parker, the death of Marla Jameson, the return of several classic villains, the growing friendship between Peter and Mary Jane, Peter’s deepening relationship with new girlfriend Carlie Cooper — and yet the plot keeps developing. The book retains its light-hearted feel, but serious and important stuff is constantly happening. Slott’s work rate is phenomenal, and the result is a book that’s thrilling, surprising, uplifting, touching and absolutely worth the cover price.
And yet it’s not the best thing I read this week. I know, right? Read on, there’s more.
[LEE WEEKS GIVES ME THE ARMOR I DEMAND]
The Iron Age Featuring Captain Britain 1 is the sort of comic I habitually ignore. I don’t regularly read any of the Iron Man books and I had no idea what this series is about, but I couldn’t resist a Captain Britain story. I’m a sucker for him, and boy am I glad about that now. Christos Gage and Lee Weeks present a tale of time-travelin’ Tony Stark as he attempts to stop a doomsday machine from being unleashed in his present (our future) by heading back to the 80s continuity. Guess which comic reviewer loves that idea? You’re damn right I do. Tony encounters drunk Tony, has to make amends with an emotionally-fragile Hank Pym who’s recently been released from prison and is still known mostly as a wife-beater, and is once again reminded of his own failings during the Civil War event. It is fantastic to see what I consider to be the classic Iron Man armor once again, and Lee Weeks’ pencils are positively Neal Adams-esque on certain pages. And Captain Britain doesn’t even play a role in this until the second half of the story, but I’m not bothered; this issue is quite a joyride through the Avengers comics of my youth. I don’t know how that plays with you younger people, but I’m gonna have to buy the rest of this series — classic Power Man and Iron Fist show up next issue, and that’s mandatory as far as I’m concerned.
[THE ONLY THING MISSING IS THE GRAPHIC SEX, THANK GLAVEN]
2011 is awful late to do a Watchmen parody. The movie came out two summers ago and the actual comic came out 20-something years ago, which means any sort of extended joke better be pretty good. Patric M. Verrone and Tone Rodriguez come through huge in the Simpsons Super Spectacular 13, of all places. The Splotchmen melds the show’s continuity with a highly-detailed parody of the Alan Moore/Dave Gibbons comic to great effect. The Springfield/Shelbyville Bi-City Bake-Off threatens to destroy both towns, but a mysterious set of super heroes (Pie Man and Cupcake Boy, guess who?) step in to protect the innocent and end up uncovering a super hero war from the old days. It would have been easy to superficially skewer the film and call it a day, but Verrone nails all the right notes in this. Dr. Frink becomes Dr. New Haven and Krusty is the Komedian obviously, but it’s the little stuff that makes this so great. The chapter breaks are perfect right down to the font and layout, there are random ridiculous quotes sprinkled throughout the book, Comic Book Guy and Milhouse play the roles of the news stand operator and the boy reading the Black Ship comic (here a Radioactive Man comic), Dr. Hibbert stands in for Rorschach’s psychologist — there are so many glorious details that pay tribute to the comic while the true spirit of the Simpsons shines through. It’s rare that a parody satisfies as both humor and as a story, and rarer still is the parody that cuts so finely it makes you want to re-read the original material in search of other jokes, but the Simpsons Super Spectacular is just such a book. And to think I bought this only so I could give it to the nephews. From out of nowhere, the Simpsons Super Spectacular is the best thing I read this week.
I’m kind of obsessed with vintage advertisements from the 1950s and 60s. I find the blatant sexism and racism in the old magazine ads absolutely fascinating. I even have a modest collection of the old advertisements and have decorated my kitchen pantries with them. There’s nothing quite as motivational as looking at a vintage Pevley Diary ad every morning with my breakfast cereal that shows a woman standing on a scale and reads, “Summertime and the living was easy… maybe a little too easy. Maybe I should stick to skim milk.”
While looking at the DC September solicitations, I noticed the cover to the new “Catwoman” relaunch and couldn’t help but think it was an amped-up, porn-esque version of the sexism exhibited in the vintage magazine ads I love so much. On the cover, Catwoman is laying blissfully on the top of a building, while the cops pursue her on the street below. She’s so comfortable and relaxed that she’s taking the time to take off her boots, unzip her leather suit to expose her double-d cleavage, and apparently pour the diamonds that she has just stolen all over her chest. But wait, that bag… and those diamonds… they look suspiciously like something a little more x-rated. Let me cut to the chase on my thoughts here. The cover of “Catwoman” #1 looks more like a shady banner ad on a website than a comic book. I know this is a perverse interpretation of the cover but I legitimately believe that the artist intended for this subtext to be completely obvious. Hey, sex sells, and I guess in 2011 hardcore sex sells. I even did an informal poll on my personal facebook page to make sure I wasn’t the only one with a foul mind and the results I got clarified that I wasn’t alone in feeling that this cover was inappropriate. I think my friend Ben Sawyer’s comment said it best, “Wow. Is that supposed to reel in female readers? I don’t think so. Here comes the DC Reboot!”
Yep. You read that right. “Goku Betrays Vegeta.” So here’s the set-up. During the course of Dragonball Z, we are shown a deep rivalry between the Prince of the Saiyans (Vegeta) and the bottom class Saiyan fool (Goku). Originally enemies, they eventually found themselves to be allies in facing shared enemies. During the events of Cell’s World Tournament, Goku was killed saving the Earth from being blown up by the Self-Destructing Cell (Cell, by the way, is some kind of bug-man android). After Goku’s death, the series skips ahead about 7 years and there’s a new (friendly) World Tournament being held and because Goku is special, he was given 24 hours to go hang out with his family and participate in the tournament. Vegeta, having now become apart of Goku’s circle of friends was privy to this information and looked forward to crushing him in hand-to-hand combat… Also, before I continue, I know how stupid the universe of Dragonball sounds to people who don’t care for it, but just stick with me, ok?
So eventually, the tournament is crashed by magically enhanced warriors, one of which is named Spopovich, which was original translated as Supopo Bitchi (which always made me laugh). Spopovich is unrelated to the betrayal, I just like his name. Back on point, all of the Super Fighters forfeit the tournament to go handle the situation. At some point in time, this dude named Dabura noticed that Vegeta really wanted to fight Goku, so he told the bad wizard, Babidi, to magically enhance Vegeta so that could use his energy to release Majin Buu from his magic prison thing. Thus, the rematch of the century was finally here. Goku vs Majin Vegeta. The following battle was awesome in both manga and anime form. But the only thing that’s important about the betrayal is that both Goku and Vegeta were fighting at the peak of Super Saiyan abilities, Super Saiyan Level 2… Or so Vegeta thought.
Eventually, the fight expended enough energy to release Majin Buu. Vegeta got in a cheap shot on Goku and knocked him out so that he could take on Buu by himself. His plan amounted to exploding. Then he exploded. Majin Buu was fine, and Vegeta was dead. Then Goku woke up, turned into a Super Saiyan Level 3 and battled Majin Buu above some city’s skyline. Eventually Goku stops fighting, knowing that he could’ve defeated Buu, but he wanted the kids to have a shot at saving the world. BIG MISTAKE.
Flashing forward a bit, Everyone is either killed or eaten/absorbed by Buu except for Gohan (Goku’s eldest son). Meanwhile Goku is back hanging out in the afterlife because his 24 hours expired shortly after he stopped fighting. Anyway, since things are really bad, the Super God trades his life for Goku’s so that he can go and use these earrings with Gohan to fuse and become the strongest thing ever. But Goku is too late and Buu absorbs Gohan. Then BAM. Vegeta’s back. So Goku’s like, “Vegeta, put this earring on so we can become one really strong dude and be stuck together forever,” and Vegeta’s all like, “F you guy, I saw you turn into a Super Saiyan Level 3, you were holding out on me.”
Alright, here we are with the second set of Decepticon henchmen. To start it off, I’m just going to assume that someone, somewhere, may have been a little upset that I didn’t talk about Soundwave. You know, the purple one who turns into a cassette recorder (Yes, he is a cassette recorder and not a boombox. That would be the red & yellow Autobot named Blaster). Anyway, Soundwave acts as the primary Decepticons Communications Officer, which essentially mans that he only answers to Megatron, the Decepticon General. And he’s probably one of the most loyal Decepticons you’ll come across, however, his loyalties align with whoever is leader… Which ties into a sort of “Henchiness” which I’ll speak on later, and that’s because Soundwave isn’t my focus. The focus today is Soundwave’s lovable stable of cassette deck goons.
Frenzy, Rumble, Ratbat, Laserbeak, Ravage, Buzzsaw, Slugfest, and Overkill. I think that’s all of them that appeared in the original cartoon… So, as you may have noticed, all of these characters are smaller than your standard Transformer. Most often, they’re depicted to being about the size of a standard adult sized human. Generally, they are utilized in a spy capacity, often being able to shrink to smaller sizes to go unnoticed. And they all answer to Soundwave. And most of them would probably die for Soundwave if necessary. The exception being Ratbat, which I will get to later. But out of these tapes, five of them stand out above the rest. Those being Rumble, Frenzy, Ratbat, Laserbeak, and Ravage.
So, let’s start with Ravage. Ravage is the cassette that starts off as a black and gray panther. He was featured in the 2nd live-action Transformers movie… You may remember him as the cyclopian cat-robot that attacked the facility that held the All-Spark shard. In his original conception, Ravage was envisioned as some sort of espionage spy-robot. He doesn’t make noise when he walks, and he has super-camouflage when in subdued light. He’s also more or less, Soundwave’s dog. At least, in the cartoon. But to the point, he is very loyal to his master and will defend Soundwave at the drop of a hat.
Next up are the brothers, Frenzy and Rumble. Starting with Frenzy, he’s the little dude who can a high pitched noise measured at 200db. This, I understand, is an absurd sound rating. From what I’ve gathered (read on the internet), that’s about 100x louder than the Krakatoa eruption in 1883 that was heard from 3000 miles away. Anyway, Frenzy was featured in the second Transformers live-action movie as the Decepticon that turned into a boombox. From what I recall, he was noted as being Soundwave during the production of the movie, which made most fans upset. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case. His brother, Rumble, is arguably the cooler of the two robots. In the cartoon, Rumble is just an all-around jerk. It seems like he’s always ready to fight someone, and his voice and pronunciation of words are ridiculous. Also, his special ability consists of transforming his arms into smooth and rounded piledrivers that can cause earthquakes. In the original animated movie, Rumble used his piledrivers inside the hull of fellow transport Decepticon Astrotrain, and broke apart the merged gestalt known as Devastator. There’s actually a lot wrong with the scenario, but I don’t feel like getting into it. As a special note, Frenzy and Rumble were often colored wrong. It took a long time for the two of them to actually match the toys that inspired them, and even then, they still aren’t completely right.
[I'm not even going to bother listing them]
And then there’s Laserbeak and Ratbat. You can expected to see Laserbeak in the upcoming 3rd Transformers live-action movie. In the comics and cartoons, he’s the more sleek of the these two flying robots. Initially, Laserbeak was the primary device used for spying on the Autobots, but once Megatron was destroyed, Ratbat took that position. But most interesting about Laserbeak is that he seemed to have a greater loyalty to Megatron over Soundwave. Typically, one would find Laserbeak perched on Megatron’s shoulder or his arm cannon, not unlike a pirate and a parrot. When it comes to Ratbat, whatever continuity you choose to follow, his story is always interesting. Most notably, in the original comics, Ratbat assumed leadership over the Decipticons in the absence of both Megatron and Soundwave. But in the cartoon, Ratbat was apart of a “primitive” collective that consisted of a few other cassettes (both Autobot and Decepticon) including Ravage but not Laserbeak , as well as the Dinobots, Predacons, Terrorcons, Skylinx and Trypticon. This group fought against Unicron’s successor, the energy monster known as Tornadron. They did terribly. At one point, Tornadron split into 4 entities, one of which was a giant energy tiger. The tiger ate Ratbat. It was hilarious.
[That's the tiger paw grabbing Ratbat]
Anyway, there’s about 9 more cassettes but I think you all have gotten the point. Soundwave has a ton of Henchmen. And they are awesome. That is all.
I’m going to share with you the secret of successful comic reading. Every week I push the book I’m most excited about to the bottom of the pile, so I end on a high note. But I’ve recently started reading See You Next Wednesday before I read anything else, because it’s important to begin the stack on a high note as well.
Mike Harvey’s eight-page exercise in endurance is like walking across a short bridge into another world, and it always leaves me primed to read more comics. This week’s issue is about an anime-style battle between two strangers in a sandwich shop, but quickly unravels to reveal the psychic toll the weekly deadline is taking on Mike. There’s a bit of obvious self-referentialism in this one, but there’s also something more subtle going on: The issue is called “Power Up” and yet it ends with Mike exhausted and bemoaning having to make another 20-something issues after this one. I like to think this is Mike’s subconscious telling him to suck it up and keep going, and that his drive to succeed is so strong it’s leaking into the world visibly, in minicomic form. Weekly comics are a cruel mistress, but Mike keeps on keeping on.
[HOW COME SHE GETS AN OUTFIT WHILE SURFER GOES BARE?]
I’m far less certain about the greatness of Silver Surfer 5. On the one hand, Silver Surfer is actually Silver Surfer again — I consider that essential for any Silver Surfer comic — and Galactus rises smoking from the heart of the sun like a great, purple Pop-Tart, which is always a plus. But the Surfer is also as emo as a teenager off his meds; apparently, in the space of one afternoon, he’s become emotionally “bound” to Suzi Endo for “forever.” That’s a bit hasty — what will Shalla Bal, love of his life for the past 50 years, say? His emotional outpouring may be because he’s briefly been human again, and according to the dialog, he’s never had any emotions while he was all silvered up — how then to explain his series in the 1970s, when all he did was feel things, and also his pining for the aforementioned Shalla Bal, lo these many years? I’m also not certain if his touchy-feeliness is permanent, like a bad tattoo, or if it was a passing fad, like the fauxhawk. And you know what else? I’m not sure I care. This limited series was kind of all over the place after the first issue, and not in a good or satisfying way.
[NUT THAT DOME, ODINSON]
Silver Surfer also pops by The Mighty Thor 3, another book for which I run hot and cold. Olivier Coipel draws a fine Surfer, and colorist Laura Martin practices a much-appreciated restraint on the silvering effect. Matt Fraction gives us all the gift of Thor head-butting the Surfer partway across ruined Asgard, but then spurns my goodwill with some clumsy dialog — would Odin really know enough of Quentin Tarrantino’s oeuvre to make a Gimp joke about the Surfer? I say thee, “nay.” Volstagg the Mighty argues theology with the preacher from last issue (he seems quite a bit more malicious this month, by the way), and then everybody prepares to go to space to fight Galactus. Every other page of this book makes me roll my eyes, and yet I keep buying it. It may just be because I like having a Thor comic in my life. I don’t know that I’d recommend this to anyone as an enjoyable comic unless they also feel obligated to have a Thor comic in their life, and even then it feels more obligatory than entertaining.
[NIX BLITZ!]
Boom Studios’ Planet of the Apes 3, however, is actually far more entertaining than I suspected this series was going to be. Carlos Magno’s art is very nice, and Daryl Gregory’s script weighs the human characters and the apes and finds them both to have flaws and redeeming qualities. Sullivan, the pregnant woman in charge of the humans, takes a long view of human/ape relations, which is detrimental to her ability to listen to the complaints of the impetuous young, who lack perspective and are also going to have to live with Sullivan’s decisions a lot longer than she is. Alaya, the new ape leader, is out for vengeance but recoils in horror when she actually encounters violence. Now that the Lawgiver is dead and his killer is hiding amongst the humans, both women’s flaws begin to dictate their decision making. The addition of the cunning and violent gorilla commando, Nix, insures that the worst possible outcome is the most probable. I may be human, but I’m an ape sympathizer from way back, so I would dearly love to see some carnage in this book — but Gregory and Magno have made it so I’ll probably feel pretty bad if Sullivan gets herself killed. Probably.
[THIS IS WHAT PASSES FOR ACTION IN CONAN THESE DAYS]
I don’t often say this, but there wasn’t nearly enough violence in Conan Road of Kings 6, or the series as a whole. Mike Hawthorne’s pencils are so cartoony and pedestrian that all the fun was sucked out of this arc, and while I would swear up and down on a stack of Sandman hardbacks that I’m a story first/art second kinda guy, I must admit that terrible art greatly diminishes the impact of any book. Roy Thomas is a comics legend and I believe that as a prose story, this would have worked fine as a Conan pastiche, but all the various plots wrap up so quickly that I wonder why this was six issues rather than four. Conan doesn’t really do much here; he throws an axe, he duels — in a lackluster fashion, I might add — Gamesh, the assassin with the Snap-On sword arm, and he eventually beats Gamesh through wits and not brawn. Actually, Gamesh is the most interesting thing about this story, but not for actually being an compelling antagonist. Something in that duel jogged my memory, and after a bit of brain wracking, I had it. That sword arm reminded me of Captain Bor’aqh Shoraq, a horrible Darth Vader manqué created by Michael Fleisher in Savage Sword of Conan 75; you’ll find the pertinent issue in Dark Horse’s Savage Sword of Conan Volume 7 omnibus. Anyway, back to the issue at hand: The editor’s note on the letters page says the series continues in August with “Roy and co.” I sincerely hope that “co.” is an encrypted phrase that means “anyone but Mike Hawthorne.”
[ROTTEN APPLE IS PRETTY DARN SWEET]
Dark Horse Presents 2 was a welcome sight, partially because I didn’t expect to see another issue so soon after the first (the glacial scheduling of DH’s Savage Sword lead me to believe I wouldn’t see this until autumn), and partially because I just plain love an anthology book. I also love the work of Neil Adams and Howard Chaykin, but neither of them has a winner on their hands at the moment. Adams’ “Blood” is an incomprehensible mess of Templar apocrypha, mafia whatever and Bible stuff. Chaykin’s working another crime story about a schlubby guy who has a lot of sex in “Marked Man” — it’s kind of Chaykin by rote at this point. Michael Gilbert’s “Mr. Monster” is much more welcome, being a classic Marvel monster comic homage with an actual sense of humor, and Patrick Alexander’s ultra-cartoony “The Wraith” lays out everything I hate about modern Batman in six wordless, silly pages.
[THE WRAITH GIVES IT TO BATMAN, AND TO THAT LITTLE KID]
Even more surprising is Sanford Greene and Chuck Brown’s “Rotten Apple,” the first chapter of a post-apocalyptic zombie story that actually makes me interested in a post-apocalyptic zombie story. It’s more about San Gee, a mercenary who appears to be a teenage girl, than it is about zombies, but they play a part. San Gee’s latest mission is going to put her in conflict with a mercenary team comprising a Frankenstein, a bird-headed guy, a devil and the tiniest, deadliest minotaur you’ve ever seen. After witnessing the minotaur tear up a zombie street gang, I can’t wait to see where this story goes. $8 is a lot to pay for a comic, but DHP makes it worth your while, even when a couple of the stories are duds — but that’s they way anthologies work. I have many issues of the original DHP from the 90s, and way too many of them feature Concrete, a character I just don’t care about or for — but I’d never give those books up. Heck, this issue features Concrete, and I still don’t care about him, but look at me claiming that DHP is the best thing I read this week. Variety truly is the spice of life.
I think it’s fair to say DC Comics is playing hard ball lately. In an effort to reach new readers and top Marvel comics in the sales charts, the company announced they’re relaunching their entire comic universe at the end of August. This huge re-imagining of DC’s entire line made national headlines and has taken a lot of attention away from their rival, Marvel. However, the icing on DC’s cake would have to be their cleverly placed Green Lantern ‘Got Milk’ Ads.
The other day, I was reading Marvel’s main summer event “Fear Itself” on my lunch break. When I got to the end of the issue I flipped the comic over and was shocked to see Ryan Reynolds in all his CG Green Lantern glory staring back up at me. There he was decked out as one of DC’s most popular characters on the back of a Marvel comic, creating an energy projection of a glass of milk. I laughed. This couldn’t have possibly been on purpose. I’m sure Marvel had to have had a clause in their advertising contracts that they wouldn’t allow advertisements with characters from their rival company. I walked out onto the sales floor thinking It had to had been a random printing error. Then I walked up to our window display. Since we place our comics on easels with the covers facing out the window, I saw a row of the same Green Lantern ‘Got Milk’ ad on the back cover of multiple comics over and over again. This had to of been a row of DC comics. I jumped in the window and checked each individual issue. Ghost Rider. X-Men. Captain America. Every single Marvel comic that week had Green Lantern on the back cover, all staring back at me. It felt like the last scene in Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds” where thousand of the same thing were staring back at you.
I’m typically a ‘make mine Marvel’ kind of guy, so DC really surprised me with this one. In a summer where Marvel should have either Thor, The X-Men or Captain America movie ads on the back of their comics, they’re advertising the Green Lantern movie. I’m sure Dan Didio, Jim Lee, and Geoff Johns are drinking a glass of milk while they’re laughing their way to the bank. It’s your move Marvel.
This week the Star Clipper bloggers are writing about their favorite betrayals in comics. The first betrayal that comes to my mind was when Colossus left the X-Men to join Magneto. This was literally a jaw-dropping moment in my comic-reading life. Colossus joined ranks with Magneto in “Uncanny X-Men” #304 in September of 1993 during the “Fatal Attractions” crossover.
[The comic in suspect]
I was ten-years-old when this issue came out. Though I read comics at the time, my main point of reference with X-Men was the “X-Men Animated Series.” If a character in the comic wasn’t on the main team in the cartoon (Cyclops, Wolverine, Rogue, Storm, Gambit, Jubilee, Beast, Jean Grey, and Professor X) I simply just didn’t think that character was as cool, with the exception of maybe Nightcrawler, Bishop, and Cable. Not only had Colossus not made his cameo debut on the X-Men cartoon (It happened a month later in November of 1993) to give me any point of reference of who his character was, but in the comic he was almost randomly leaving the X-Men to join their sworn enemy Magneto. This absolutely made me hate Colossus in 1993. I distinctly remember sitting around with my comic-reading buddies and talking about how bad a guy Colossus was after reading “Uncanny X-Men” #304.
[Colossus in his Acolyte threads]
In retrospect, I actually really like Colossus now. I’ve since gone back and read Chris Claremont’s legendary 70s X-Men run, where Colossus is one of the quintessential team members, and loved it. His relationship with Kitty Pryde is a great comic book romance (Particularly in Joss Whedon’s “Astonishing X-Men”) and it’s always exciting when he teams up with Wolverine for a “Fastball Special.” Even looking back on the issue when he joins Magneto, I think it’s almost silly how up-in-arms I was over Colossus’ betrayal of the X-Men. Had I been reading X-Men for a little longer, I likely would have been more upset over the ludicrous writing in the issue that causes Colossus to leave the team. Basically, during a fight with Magneto and the Acolytes, Colossus decides it’s Professor X’s fault that his sister Illyana died from the legacy virus. He then goes on to give up Xaiver’s pacifist dream of human-mutant coexistence and figures what better time then now is their to join with a mutant terrorist that he’d been fighting for the last 15 years. His decision was that quick and random, and by the end of the issue Colossus departs with Magneto much to my dismay. Now I have a harder time with the slapdash writing, but for a time in 1993 Colossus’ betrayal to the X-Men was absolutely unforgivable to me.
In all the world, there is one constant. The sun coming up in the east? No, someday the sun will burn out. The one constant is me and Northlanders — Brian Wood will write it, and I will love it and rave about it in this space. Prepare for the worst: The sky’s gone out.
[I WAS ALL PRIMED TO LOVE THIS]
Northlanders 41 Thor’s Daughter is a standalone about Birna, a 14-year old girl in the Outer Hebrides (those islands off the west coast of Scotland), having to fend for herself now that her father is dead. It opens with her killing a man, then flashes back to why she’s killing him, and then resumes in the moment after the killing. The fractured narrative diminishes the forward momentum of the story, but what’s worse is that it feels like a page is missing. How does Birna go from being helpless and on her own to having her father’s henchman rally around her? No idea. I’ve read this three times trying to figure out how exactly she got to the opening page, and I still don’t know. I shouldn’t have to create her greatest moment of character development in my head. Marian Churchland’s art is brilliant, however, and David McCaig’s washed-out color palette looks like it was done with colored pencils, and it’s almost enough to save the whole thing. I expect an awful lot from Brian Wood as a storyteller, so this may be a case of my expectations not being met. If you read it and loved it, lemme know. Brian Wood is now 40 and 1 on my scorecard.
[SO GOOD IT MADE ME LIKE KID FLASH]
I was bummed by the Northlanders let-down, so I immediately read Tiny Titans 41, because Tiny Titans always lifts my spirits. The Fast Issue stars Kid Flash and the other fast titans running around, racing one another and looking for lemonade– don’t let its simplicity fool you into thinking it’s not a good time, because it most certainly is. Kid Flash behaves like your typical little kid who’s eaten three pounds of Sweet Tarts for breakfast, shouting inappropriately and getting excited about stuff like sharp pencils. How sharp are they, KF? “Flashpoint” sharp. D’oh! Blue Beetle also makes an appearance, and Art Baltazar’s rendition of him makes me wish there was an ongoing monthly for this version of the character, with Baltazar naturally penciling the deal.
[STARRING OWEN WILSON AS CAPTAIN VICTORY]
Kirby Genesis 1 doesn’t have quite the same crackle that the zero issue had. I think that’s because the zero issue was an exercise in “Look at this! And this! Can you believe this?,” while this issue is more concerned with introducing our human characters (Kirby, young college-age sci-fi loving smart guy, and Bobbi, his beautiful/smart/confident best friend since childhood) and setting an actual plot in motion. Kurt Busiek’s script does these things well, and it’s nice to see so many words per page — few comic writers bother to actually write this much anymore, and I prefer a big script. Jack Herbert’s art is fine, but as soon as Alex Ross comes in with a page it just makes me wish Ross was doing all the art for this. I think that would be true for anyone Dynamite selected for the job — Ross’ art attracts attention like few artists’ work does.
[I LOVE THE SMELL OF MAPLE SYRUP IN THE MORNING]
I believe I bought Alpha Flight when I was younger solely because of Guardian’s costume — that red and white maple leaf suit is the business. I’m pretty sure I bought Alpha Flight Fear Itself 1 because look at Guardian on the cover. The Fred Van Lente/Greg Pak writing team sets up an interesting set of problems for the team in this, namely, the Alphas are all alive again and beloved by Canada, and Canada’s Prime Minister just activated a law that makes the Patriot Act look like a lax babysitter’s rules by comparison. I ain’t crazy about the new x-treme Marrina, but that’s balanced somewhat by the return of Sasquatch and the depiction of Northstar in a loving, committed relationship with his boyfriend, Kyle. (Sidebar: Is Kyle’s unseen sister Stevie the same Stevie who used to teach dance at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters back in the 80s? [Interior Sidebar: Man, Chris Claremont was awesome when he was at the top of his game.] It’s a stretch, sure, but the two teams do have shared history. Also, whatever happened to Stevie and her bum knee? Old guys who lost a decade demand answers.) I do wish this book was not a Fear Itself tie-in, because I don’t want any part of that, but I suspect I’m gonna buy all eight of these. Partly out of nostalgia, yes, but also because I think the Van Lente/Pak team has proven they know how to work with Marvel’s lesser characters and make them interesting.
[NAKED BARBARIAN COMIN’ ATCHA!]
Will it surprise you to know that I find Conan to be interesting? (Note to Jim Mosley: ZIP IT.) Island of No Return 1, by the unexpected team of Ron Marz and Bart Sears, is meat-and-potatoes Conan. He’s in trouble with the town guard, he fortuitously meets up with two beautiful warrior women who bail him out, and in return they demand he accompany them on a thieving job that requires his expertise. This has the feel of any number of highly enjoyable Savage Sword of Conan stories, and I’m fine with this — I welcome this in fact, because it’s not another adaptation of an REH original. Bart Sears still has that heavy-lined style that can veer from highly dynamic to overly-blobby all on one page, but he gives Conesy a suitably brutal face that I find suits the big Cimmerian very well. A solid effort from a pair of creators I haven’t checked out in quite a while.
[THAT FOMORIAN’S SPIT-SPRAY IS CLOSE BURST 3]
Dungeons and Dragons 8 was actually on the racks this week, so I feel safe reviewing it since anybody can buy it. And I would urge anyone who likes their sword & sorcery leavened with humor to check it out, whether you’ve played the world’s greatest RPG or not. John Rogers and Andrea Di Vito dump our well-balanced party (racially and class-wise) into the Feywild, the mystical wilderness realm where time and space operate differently than here in this world. Rogers really has a firm grasp on how these characters relate to one another, and there’s none of the “Ye Olde Tough Guy Smacke Talke” that sometimes crops in these things. This is a serious and action-packed adventure yarn that just happens to star elves and dwarves and gnomes and such. It’s worth noting that after two issues of fill-in artists, Andrea Di Vito’s return is very welcome. His crisp and lively action scenes are easy to follow, and he’s adroit at depicting a range of expressions other than “open mouth screaming” or “open mouth horror” or “open mouth shock.” D&D is unpretentious and unrepentant entertainment, and that’s worth celebrating. In fact, it’s the best thing I read this week.
When it comes to writing comics, a well timed back-stab is akin to a work of art. One minute two characters are getting along perfectly, the next one of them is lying dead on the ground with an ice pick in their neck while the other smiles like a loon. That’s why as a fun project I decided to write about my favorite comic book betrayal.
When you look at the long and dramatic history of comics, there are a lot of betrayals to choose from. Just looking at comics since the nineties, there are events like Bishop going rogue and trying to kill Cable and baby Hope, Batman betraying the JLA by devising strategies against them (in case they ever turned evil), and the infamous Onslaught epic where Xavier went insane and nearly decimated the entire Marvel Universe…and those are just the highlights.
In my opinion however, the best betrayals aren’t driven by jealously, greed, or even hatred. The best betrayals come from characters who believe their actions are not only justified, but in some twisted way are for the benefit of others. One of my all time favorite betrayals was written by Greg Pak in his modern classic, Planet Hulk and World War Hulk. This epic story both starts and ends with a major betrayal from people that the Hulk thought he could trust.
The first was a betrayal born out of high-minded selflessness and orchestrated by one of my favorite Marvel creations in recent years, the Illuminati. For anyone who doesn’t already know, the Illuminati are a secret organization that guides events in the Marvel Universe, led by some of the most influential and important people in said Universe. This group includes Namor, Professor Xavier, Doctor Strange, Tony Stark, Reed Richards, and Black Bolt. In their unshakable belief that they know better than everyone else, they instigated the most recent Skrull invasion, consolidated the Infinity Gems where anyone could find them, and of course launched the Hulk into space.
Like many ventures of the Illuminati, this plan didn’t work out the way they expected to. This shouldn’t have come as a huge surprise to them, considering most of them, in their own lives, have always had questionable judgment. Tony Stark had his alcoholism, Reed his failed rocket experiment that gave the FF their powers, and Black Bolt in ever trusting his brother Maximus the Mad (seriously, look at the name!). Nevertheless they decided that for the good of all, they needed to exile the Hulk to a desolate planet and assured themselves that nothing could go wrong. There’s an old saying that applies here, and that’s that no good plan survives contact with the enemy. Suffice to say, Murphy’s Law went into full effect from there, and from that little gem of a decision we got Planet Hulk.
As pissed as the Hulk was about that, he found a way to make the best of a bad situation. Within a few months he was king of a new empire, was adored by an entire world, and had a beautiful new queen…then betrayal number two happened.
[Behold Miek, the Hulk’s own personal Judas]
For me the best part of the second betrayal was that I never saw it coming, and neither did the Hulk for that matter. The giant alien insect, Miek, driven mad by hatred and loss, destroyed half of his own planet and blamed it on the Illuminati just so the Hulk would join him in his rage. If anything, this betrayal was more bittersweet than the first, and far more personal. Miek was a being who was at peace in times of war and at war during times of peace. He idolized the Hulk and saw his actions as the best way to bring him back to his true self, and then the Hulk’s true self leveled Manhattan.
As bizarre as it sounds, a good betrayal is a thing of beauty. It can take an old story device like the Hulk getting angry and smashing stuff and turn it into a character defining story arc. With two betrayals, Pak redefined the way I viewed the Hulk. If that’s not good writing, I don’t know what is.
Ah, henchmen. The super villian’s version of the sidekick, henchmen are always right there to do the legwork, take the fall when things go wrong and receive about five times the beatings that their bosses do. Henchmen are glorified gofers, dupes and cannon fodder, all dressed up in thematically-appropriate costumes. They build and staff the lair, they drive the vehicles and they provide the cover for the head honcho’s eventual escape — they are the glue that holds the whole concept of super villainy together.
[NUMBER 24 AND 21, CHILLIN’ LIKE VILLAINS]
Number 21(the hefty one who dresses like Kevin Smith when out of uniform) and Number 24 (famously described by 21 as “Jerry Seinfeld with a unibrow”), aides to the mighty Monarch from The Venture Bros, are the gold standard of henchmen as far as I’m concerned. They’re comically inept and far more likely to sabotage the Monarch than to help him; 21 (real name Gary) wrote a scathing tell-all book about the Monarch that sent big king butterfly to his room in tears. Even when they do something correctly it backfires, as at the end of season one when they fulfill all of the Monarch’s orders and destroy the Cocoon, which the Monarch almost immediately regrets. Throughout the first three seasons of the show, the duo show us what henching would actually look like in the real world. They work long hours, they waste time arguing about whether Smurfs are mammals or not, they take unauthorized smoke breaks when the Monarch delivers lengthy monologues via radio, they have to run ghetto job fairs to attract new recruits and they display a meta-awareness of their own role in the superhero vs. super villain game; in season 3 episode The Lepidopterists, they assure a new guy that while they’re effectively indestructible because they always survive every mission no matter how stupidly they behave, he’s most certainly doomed because he’s the new guy. And yet — *SPOILER ALERT* — number 24 is tragically decapitated in the final episode of that season.
[NUMBER 21, LIVING THE DREAM]
Of the two, I much prefer Number 21. He has an irrepressible goofiness, and he’s a huge comic book/pop culture dork. Not only did he once spend all of the Monarch’s money on what he mistakenly believed was a fully-operational lightsaber, his room in the Cocoon is home to what he calls his “armory,” which is remarkably similar to my own armory: a replica version of Anduril (Aragorn’s sword from Lord of the Rings), giant foam Hulk hands, Magneto’s helmet and other random superhero-branded junk you end up buying when you go to the toy store as an adult with a credit card. Throw in his periodic “wicked gas” problem, and Number 21 and I are practically the same person.
One of my favorite bookstores in St. Louis. Star Clipper offers not only the best selection of comic books and graphic novels in the city, but also a cornucopia of art, design and pop-culture related books and magazines. 
